Love Through the Eyes of an Oncologist

By Dr. Andrew Odhiambo, MD, FRCP

As an oncologist, I dwell in the realms where life, death, and love intersect, facing questions that challenge the essence of human connection. Love, in the context of oncology, is a testament to resilience and vulnerability, witnessed through the lives of those grappling with cancer.

Consider a 30-year-old patient, in remission for over 5 years yearning for love amidst the trials of cancer, where each revelation of their diagnosis shatters budding connections. Or a 37-year-old man, learning of his spouse’s infidelity as he confronts stage 4 lung cancer, counting his remaining days. How do I console a 74-year-old woman, abandoned for a younger partner, as she battles leukaemia? What solace can I offer a young wife, hesitant to be intimate with her husband, now an amputee as a result of bone cancer? Or a wife who rapidly loses a loving husband to advanced liver cancer? The list is endless and nearly every day, I’m entangled in these complex connections.

These stories are not mere narratives; they are the lived experiences of my patients, confiding in me as perhaps the only person who can bear the weight of their sorrows. The Institute of Love, as I've come to understand it, is perpetually under siege in the lives of cancer patients. For them, sustaining love feels like chasing a mirage.

This relentless confrontation with loss and betrayal inevitably shapes my perspective on love. Accusations of being emotionally detached are not unfamiliar to me. Perhaps there's truth in them—I guard the remnants of my emotions zealously, knowing full well that absorbing the entirety of my patients' emotional turmoil is beyond any one person's capacity.

Yes, I can confront cancer with medicine, but reigniting the flame of love, ensuring that my patients are loved and can love in return, remains an enigma. How do we ensure that cancer patients can experience love as profoundly and fully as those untouched by the disease? This question haunts me, for love in the shadow of cancer is fraught with uncertainties, yet it's also where we find the most profound expressions of human strength and compassion.

In the end, the challenge is not just about treating cancer but nurturing the capacity for love amidst adversity. It's about affirming that even in the face of a life-altering diagnosis, the heart's capacity to love and be loved remains undiminished. This, perhaps, is the truest measure of healing.

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12 Comment(s)

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Nivah - 2024-02-14 07:03:39

This is so deep. Reasonates with most of us. It’s so sad to have to fight multiple battles when in reality you are just trying to survive and even sadder considering the loneliness and coldness this world serves most of its victims. Otherwise we keep fighting a day at a time and trusting God as the ultimate healer of both body and soul. Thank you for this write up Doc, it’s so informative such that your patients faced with this challenge know they are not alone.

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Susan Kamau - 2024-02-14 08:02:13

Absolutely amazing. I thank God I came to you after dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The way you were thorough and positive gave us hope that we had lost. We thank God for you.

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Dr. Mandela - 2024-02-14 09:05:15

Profound insights

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Alfred - 2024-02-14 10:47:10

Profound! Almost scary to think about.... thanks for provoking our thoughts

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Beryl - 2024-02-14 11:05:22

Wow. Such an amazing read. I can relate.

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Mariamawit - 2024-02-14 23:16:53

It's so nice how you framed the whole thing & so true in so many ways. One area for improvement if we want to have holistic impact on our patients

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Eva - 2024-02-15 05:50:04

Profound! Cancer has visited my family 3 times. 1st my late Father, 2nd myself and now my mother. One thing I know for sure, love goes a long way. A strong loving support system is just as important as the medical treatment. Sometimes love is all that’s left to hang one to.

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Dr S Sawanda - 2024-06-10 01:56:20

Doc, Attending to the frail and them that are almost given upon needs more than this profession. It calls for calling from above and passion put together. As you put it , love defines everything that is human being by the way of our creator. The sick sees hope in the eyes of the doctor and more when that assurance comes from you that leads them through the troughs and crescents seeking better health... Keep it up, good job ..Love keeps all of us going. Good piece....

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Caroline - 2024-06-10 06:54:02

Profound, in turn we get to experience love in a different angle as professionals.

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Kennedy Okinda - 2024-06-10 08:59:55

Indeed insightful. Love along the cancer journey is usually an ignored area. Patient and family members with cancer deserve love too.

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Peninah Mugunyu - 2024-06-10 10:07:28

I remember when I brought my husband to you with stage 4 prostate cancer. You restored the hope that we had lost. My husband's healing journey started with a lot of positivity. For 4 years you gave him hope. Even after the 2nd diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, you never gave him reason to give up. He rested 2 months ago knowing that you did your best I wouldn't hesitate to recommend cancer patients to you. You are simply the best.

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Risper - 2024-06-10 11:16:23

Cancer issa confusing word realy for all affected. Then it comes into a society that still struggles with showing n expressing affection. This is what we call 'kizungumuti'. We are more susceptible and find it easy to show compassion and woishe, confusing it with love. How to love a sick person? Talk to them bout the journey, visit as often as possible, if possibe, take them outa the house, and just be there. Even in silent company. More than anything; get them to realy open up about all possibilities sorrounding their situation. Most of all maintain a positive attitude around the sick, no matter how bad it looks. These from experience work for me. Profound article doc. Glad to be walking this journey with you. In the end, the challenge is not just about treating cancer but the nurturing the capacity for love amidst adversity.....profound! Shalom..in my prayers always

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